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Over the rainbow

the place where my thoughts are let out of their cage....watch out!

Journal Info




May 17th, 2008

super bored,but this is scarily accurate...

Your Score: 8 - the Asserter

Thanks for taking the test !

you chose AY - your Enneagram type is EIGHT (aka "The Challenger").

"I must be strong"

Asserters are direct, self-reliant, self-confident, and protective.

How to Get Along with Me

  • Stand up for yourself... and me.
  • Be confident, strong, and direct.
  • Don't gossip about me or betray my trust.
  • Be vulnerable and share your feelings. See and acknowledge my tender, vulnerable side.
  • Give me space to be alone.
  • Acknowledge the contributions I make, but don't flatter me.
  • I often speak in an assertive way. Don't automatically assume it's a personal attack.
  • When I scream, curse, and stomp around, try to remember that's just the way I am.

What I Like About Being a EIGHT

  • being independent and self-reliant
  • being able to take charge and meet challenges head on
  • being courageous, straightforward, and honest
  • getting all the enjoyment I can out of life
  • supporting, empowering, and protecting those close to me
  • upholding just causes

What's Hard About Being a EIGHT

  • overwhelming people with my bluntness; scaring them away when I don't intend to
  • being restless and impatient with others' incompetence
  • sticking my neck out for people and receiving no appreciation for it
  • never forgetting injuries or injustices
  • putting too much pressure on myself
  • getting high blood pressure when people don't obey the rules or when things don't go right

EIGHTs as Children Often

  • are independent; have an inner strength and a fighting spirit
  • are sometimes loners
  • seize control so they won't be controlled
  • fugure out others' weaknesses
  • attack verbally or physically when provoked
  • take charge in the family because they perceive themselves as the strongest, or grow up in difficult or abusive surroundings

EIGHTs as Parents

  • are often loyal, caring, involved, and devoted
  • are sometimes overprotective
  • can be demanding, controlling, and rigid

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
Harper SanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

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you wanna know MORE?
so check out, what Google found about your type...
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You are not completely happy with the result?!
You chose AY

Would you rather have chosen:

  • BY (FOUR)
  • CY (SIX)
  • AX (SEVEN)
  • AZ (THREE)
  • Link: The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test
    View My Profile(felk)

    April 30th, 2008


    I took off rachels ring yesterday.
    My finger feels naked
    I feel better.
    And sad.
    But better.

    I love a man.
    That doens't stop me from loving rachel, only rachel stops me from loving rachel.
    I wish it was different, but it isn't.
    It's a man who's unintentionally going to rip my poor little heart out too. Isn't that always the way?
    I think I still love chris too. In addition the the aforementioned mess.
    I lead a...ridiculous life.

    April 1st, 2008

    I. Hate. My. Roomate.

    I don't think I've ever met a more inconsiderate, rude, self centered bitch in my life.

    This isn't the whole of why I'm upset, but a window into my day to day life. These kinds of things occur over and over and over again.

    So it was a beautiful day out, and I have flowers in our room so it smells nice, and I was enjoying silence for a bit, and she came in and turned music on. Whatever, that's fine, I'll live. Then rap came on, which I really can't take any more of because she listens to it nonstop, and I do like some rap, just not the same 30 songs every fucking day. So I said "I really don't want to listen to rap or hip-hop or R&B tonight" and she ignored me. Flat out acted like I hadn't said anything.
    Whatever, I'm used to this behavior by now, it usually gets better when she stops being a cunt, (not a guarantee however, as that state comes in pretty big waves for her.)
    So that song finishes out, and a couple more play, then another rap song comes on, and I say the same thing adding please. then it happened a third time and I added please AND Sarah, I'm asking you nicely.
    So she continues to ignore me.
    She was decent enough to put headphones on when she was watching the Hills or some shit like that.
    Then when the show was over, and she wanted to sleep she asked me to put headphones on so I immediately turned my music off.
    And in my head I was like, wait, seriously? She expects me to show her respect and courtesy when she shows me none on a daily basis?
    So I quickly thought about it, and counted to ten so I wouldn't jump up and wring her ugly little neck.
    So after calming for that second my response (and our conversation) went as follows:

    Me - "See, I do the things that people ask me to do."
    Sarah - "what?"
    me - "I asked you two, no, three times, not to listen to rap tonight and you ignored it"
    sarah - *mumble* "wasn't for you" *mumble...*
    me - "what?"
    sarah - "I wasn't listening to it for you"
    me - "Well, I have to listen to what you listen to, because we live together, and I'm always way more considerate of you than that."
    sarah *rolls over*

    I live with a six year old incapable of conflict resolution in the simplest sense of the phrase. And I'm fuckign sick of being treated like I'm not human and don't deserve the least amount of consideration, especially when I always respect what she says (i.e. turn down the music, not talk on the phone in the room, etc etc)

    I cannot wait until I'm out of this shit hole and away from her and all the negativity she creates. Just a little over a month to go.....

    March 26th, 2008

    Ode to a toothbrush

    I wrote this for my visual communications class, and I kinda love it...


    March 20th, 2008


    So Lauren and I were talking, via IM, post goofing around on video chat, and she complimented me and called adorable, and I complimented her back, and we talked about how girls always compliment each other back and forth like that, then there was this:

    so time out, youre not allowed to talk.
    dear courtney,
    this is a secret love letter except its not that secret because you obviously know who this is.
    i think that you are beautiful.
    i enjoy your green pig very much as well.
    but it is not as cute as you.
    but like, duh, thats a given.
    i hope you enjoyed this message.
    yours truly,

    Sooo...I have butterflies, and I can't stop smiling. Maybe I can be happy again after all?
    I haven't had a crush in ages. I think would call this a crush.
    Maybe this is what it'll take to really get me over chris?
    I feel like I'm holding him back with my unsureness, and I really do want him to be happy. But I want to be happy too damnit, is that so wrong?
    I'm taking a bus out to see her saturday.
    I'm so excited.
    We met at true colors
    and danced alot, and made out a fair amount, and may or may not have almost gotten kicked out... whoops...
    There was alot of chemistry there, all I can do is hope that it's more than just that fleeting physical chemistry I have with...you know..almost everyone.
    *crosses fingers*

    January 31st, 2008


    One of my friends called me a playa the other day.
    At first I laughed, but then I realized he was right.
    Basic life updates:

    I went to India in the beginning of January, it was amazing.
    That also means I'm beyond broke now.
    My classes this semester, so far at least, are not too bad :-)
    Mark Egan is one of the most emotionally unstable people I've ever been friends with (not to mention one of the most possessive assholes ever to exist)
    I don't resent Mark for this though, I wouldn't have met Rob if mark had been sane.
    Heres the story:

    Mark has been a friend of mine for a year or so, he graduated from MIT last year and lives in NYC now, and this last weekend he came back to Boston to visit with people. So saturday we went out to Delta Nu and got a little shitty and danced, he was being a little too all over me, but I shrugged it off. The next day we went over to his friend Kyles suite where he was staying to play BP and party a little. He ended up being all over me again, and wasn't getting that I wasn't into it, so eventually I had to elevate to just being cold towards him. At that point he got all pissy and such, and shortly there after, I was sitting on the couch next to this guy (the aforementioned Rob) like a foot apart, just talking, not flirting or anything, and mark came in, threw frozen tissues at him (..why were there frozen tissues? I still don't know...) and walked out. He also texted every guy there, including kyle whos gf Heather was with him, telling them to stay away from me and not to hook up with me etc etc. He also asked Jacob to put in a good word for him, which is particularly funny because Jake and Jen (the perfect couple, can't you tell just by their names?) wanted to ....take me home with them... needless to say they got a laugh out of that.
    The night ended abruptly, because one of my friends had gone a little beer/hookup happy and had an oh so fun breakdown, and LA grabbed my stuff for me out of marks room because she knew me going in there would be a bad idea. Now, at this point I had gotten a bunch of texts from him about how he wasn't going to bother me anymore and he was just going to sit in his room and stare out his window and I knew where to find him if I wanted to blah blah blah. Well, after I left he sent me one that said

    "Fine. No more texts. You did honestly make me cry tonight though. esp leavin without dropping in. But no more. Ciao"

    I think I've fulfilled my tool quota for the next 2 years because of that night.

    Anyways, on to the good stuff. The guy that mark threw tissues at, Rob, and I continued to talk until I left, and he called me the next day and asked me out for monday night, and said where we were going was a surprise.
    Well, turns out he went online and found a really nice (and I mean really nice...) Indian restaurant that specifically had vegetarian options (because he knew I had just gotten back from india, and he found out I was a vegetarian via facebook heh) After we ate we went to good times and played pool, some air hockey, pac man and...go carts :-D hehe then we got bored and went up to prospect hill, which is this really cool turret-y thing from the revolutionary war that has a great view over the Charles back into Boston, and we just hung out and talked until I was too cold.
    He of course played it cool and waited a whole...uhm...half hour to call me :-) and we went out tuesday night as well, hung out here first for a little, he didn't seem frightened by Heidy, Nora, Julia, and Sarah, so that's good news, then went to see sweeney todd. To everyone that said it was too gory...have you ever actually seen real blood? or seen an animal get it's throat slit? It was insanely unrealistic, and I laughed through it alot, as did he. Once again I managed to find someone with a dark sense of humor, or at the very least a sarcastic one like me. But he's also incredibly sweet.
    Did I mention he works at a kids gym and teaches karate to little kids?
    Ok, I'm going to stop rambling about him, and get some HW done, and go to sleep, because I'm sick as hell (fever of 102.7 today, wahoo!) and I haven't done any work for tomorrow yet, blah!

    November 11th, 2007


    So there's this guy.
    His name is Adam.
    He's a grad student at the New England Conservatory, and he's studying bass trombone.
    He told me he'd get mad if I wrote 'rusty' between "the" and "trombone" on his copy of the trombone journal (trombonist journal?)
    I can't really blame him, but it made me smile.
    I met him through my old coworker/new boss amy, at a Halloween party her and Rachel threw at their place.
    He's from Kansas, and the more comfortable/tired he is, the stronger his accent gets.
    We stayed up talking until the sun came up this morning.
    And then this afternoon we were supposed to see a movie, I basically fucked shit up so we couldn't, so we watched I heart huckabees and still managed to have a 3 hour conversation afterwards.
    The only reason it ended was because he was going to the last night of a performance the Boston Symphony Orchestra was doing.
    I've spent like 2 days with him, and he's already falling, I can see it in the way he looks at me. This scares the piss out of me.
    We're both very honest and forthright about everything, which will probably make things easier, but his life is fucked up enough as it is.
    He does not need my element of crazy added to his.
    But, now that I'm conscious of it, I can see myself trying to help him figure things out, get his mind all together. I want to fix him. He's anxious and depressed and has ADD and I'm determined for some stupid reason that my potential influence of his life could succeed where so far professionals and medication have made little headway.

    Who the fuck do I think I am?

    November 6th, 2007


    it's 3:30 in the morning and I'm avoiding writing a paper.

    I talked to chris for awhile today, it was kind of comforting, we've been talking a fair amount over the last week or so.
    I think it's just comforting because I feel like I can talk to my best friend again. I don't know, these things are too complicated for me.

    On saturday I saw Greg for the first time in...years? It was fun overall, and I think I got to weird him out a little with some of the pieces in my wardrobe that were debated as costumes to the post-halloween halloween party I went to that night.

    I don't hold the innocence I once did. But I don't think it's a bad thing. Oh Hell (the club that is...)

    At said halloween party, I was basically a trashy devil, we won't get into it, the guy that I kind of liked fucked around with one of the other girls I went with (a friend of Noras) and people kept taking the rats away from me. They're Nic's ras, maybe that's part of the reason I like them so much. Especially Leif, she's my favorite.

    On the walk home, Nora and I skipped, and held hands, and had an overall fun time.
    And then I saw a broken umbrella in front of starbucks about a block from home.

    This big wood handled golf umbrella was just abandoned because of a couple bent arms, nothing that would be a big deal to fix. But people don't fix things anymore, they just throw them away, and buy new ones.
    So I picked up the umbrella, told Nora I was going to rehabilitate it, and brought it home with me.
    I am now almost done fixing it, I bought wire at Blick today to finish fixing it, because I really like it now, and have decided that it's very worth it. But that isn't really the point.

    I told the story of how I acquired the umbrella, and why I felt the need to take it home and fix it to my roommate Sarah.
    And she told me something that although I had been told it before, never made as much sense as she made it.

    That's what I'm like with people too.
    I attract broken people, and I try to mend them to the best of my ability, and help them on their way.
    The more i think about this, the more people I realize I've done this with, the more sense alot of my life makes.

    Everyone else probably knew this about me already, but I was, for the most part, blissfully unaware.

    Thank you, whoever abandoned their big bright yellow and blue Ikea golf umbrella in front of the starbucks that's across from Boston Childrens Hospital and Harvard Medical School. You unwittingly gave rise to a personal epiphany.

    October 3rd, 2007

    I'm at work....

    Smokes and sex
    But I feel compelled to write here, because I was reading other peoples stuff, and yeah....

    So I had an eventful day yesterday, and by eventful I mean I got to tie dye with the alliance. Mine came out like crap, because they have really ugly dyes, but it's better than alot of other people came out, so whatever, and it's just going to be warn on coming out day, so it's ok.

    Even though I'm still definitely emotionally attached to Chris, and I thankfully realise that and don't plan on jumping headfirst into anything serious for awhile, my love life has been the most....dynamic? It's been in awhile. I don't think dynamic is really the right word, but you'll see what I mean.

    There's this adorable (in kind of a punk/scene kinda way?) girl named Niko in my printmaking class. I generally assume women like her are far far out of my league, but after asking me if I was gay in the most convoluded way ever, we talked for most of class. I don't know, it's terribly unlikely that that will ammount to the tiniest bit of anything, but a girl can hope right?

    Then there's Evan, who's my roommates ex. Which is kind of bad news, because they fight off and on, and I'm pretty sure he still likes her. But (when he's not being a dick) he's super adorable, and he's an artist. I've been promised an apology dinner from him (because he flipped out on me when he was mad because Sarah hooked up with Meghan) which I've also been promised is not a date for whatever that's worth, but we'll see. That's another one where the chances are very slim, but I'm ok with it in that case.

    Ricardo: enough said. He needs to get over himself.

    Rachel and I will always be together in our weird way no matter who else comes and goes in our lives. So she's the one thing that hasn't changed.

    Tyler is this adorable kinda shy innocent hippie kid who goes to art school around here (not smfa w/evan though) I met him a couple of weeks ago, on a night when I was absolutely shitfaced, and we sat and talked about music for a few hours. I was probably hitting on him, but he didn't do anything about it. We've hung out a few more times since then, and I honestly think he might really be as nice as he seems, which is pretty impressive, and kind of too good for me, because I'm probably going to break his little heart, but I'm trying not to think of things like that. He also lives like 4 blocks away, so that's pretty handy. I stayed over there last night and walked home when he left for class, and it took me not even ten minutes.but yeah, I don't know what else to say about him...

    See, maybe dynamic does kind of fit?
    Well, since I'm at work I should probably stop gushing about my love life and think of what to get sarah to make her feel better (she's sick :-( poor baby!) and figure out how I'm getting to NH this weekend. and mmm there's pasta salad in the office across the hall.....*yum*


    October 1st, 2007


    Despite recent shitty-ness such as:

    Being told by someone I consider a best friend that I would be one of the last people they would call if they were depressed etc.
    Being flipped out on and sworn at for an hour at a time by Evan for being nice to him and trying to get him to chill out friday night/saturday morning
    Work sucking (because of the people that use our services, not because of work itself)
    Not being able to find time to go see Mark in NYC
    and not having a pot to cook my damn pasta in :-(

    I've had a good week
    Thursday I partied at Tylers place, and they had joints hanging from balloons all over the place, it was awesome. So basically after hanging out inside for a bit, we left and walked over a block and sat on the stoop of this huge church and smoked, we could see in the window of his apartment so we just people watched and talked about religion a little bit, which is always interesting when your stoned, and it was a good night overall.
    I went to lunch and shopping with Troy friday, bought (as per usual) nice things for cheap (apparently Sarah and Alex had a conversation about my thriftiness. i was ammused)
    then alex came up from CT to visit for the weekend, we got plastered with Evan, Sarah, this guy Chris, and a handful of other people. Alex and I killed a liter of SoCo and half a liter of Jose. It was good times minus evan being a dick. Lexi still has my lighter. I think she has my cigarettes too, but w/e she can keep them, I just like my lighter, I'm attached. She's adorable, so an excuse to see her again is nice anyways.
    Evan apologized about 90 times for being an asshole after I told him I didn't appreciate being treated like that and I wouldn't be hanging out with him if that was going to be how things went whenever sarah or megan(? I think that's her name) or both went off with other people. Long story short I get an apology dinner which I was promised isn't a date out of it, because apparently there are people out there that think I'm cool enough that they actually put effort into keeping me around. Novel.
    Saturday we went over to JP (me, Sarah, Alex, and Tim) and looked at some of the open studios, there was some awesome art to be found. And we went to Boomerangs, which was awesome, I got DKNY gachos, a cute flowy asian print shit, and a banana republic shirt for a total of 15 bucks, all new with tags. I guess I am thrifty, lol.
    This was going on at the Sam Adams Brewery, so the girls got some cool cups to take back for friends, because ocktoberfest was this weekend.
    That night Alex, Tyler and I went out to O'Leary's on Beacon St. and had a couple drinks, it was chill, and Alex thinks Ty is cool, which is good, even though I probably shouldn't trust her judgement when it comes to men. but we all walked back here and alex went to bed, and me and tyler went over to the fens and smoked. It was interesting, i felt like some high schooler sitting on a park bench being all stoned and awkward, but we stayed out there for a really long time, despite it being cold, and neither one of us wanted to go (how cute right?) so we were there until we started shivering. heh, he's sooo innocent... it's weird...

    in other news, Ricardo called me...again...yeah, not so much....

    Last night I did inventory over at Lucky Brand, which was not so fun, but it was $12 an hour, so I don't really care, and I got to do it with Nora, so it's all good. god am I broke...lol

    And now I have massive amounts of HW, especially printmaking to do, so I bid you a good day.
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